What I'm Learning Along the Way

What I’m learning along the Way

It’s been about a year since my journey with theblackertheberry, my book, documentary, seminars, speaking and intense activism began. So, I decided to share with you all what I am learning along the way:

10.  Don’t be afraid go outside of the box.

Whenever you are trying to achieve anything significant, you may be put in situations that require you to leave what you may consider the “norm.” Whether that may be getting on a plane for your first time, taking a difficult class or talking in front of a large group, leaving your comfort zone is virtually inevitable. As long as it’s safe, GO FOR IT. If you stay in your comfort zone forever, you will lose ambition. And staying in the same place forever means NO progress.

9. Have perseverance.

Three words -- Stay at it. At times, you may feel like you are getting nowhere; trust me, I’ve felt like that many, many, many times! But amidst my pessimism, I kept going, as I kept in mind that NOTHING worthy of achieving comes EASY. I also thought of all of my role models – all of my role models, including my mother, Oprah, and others – have gone through significant trials and tribulations before they reached their dreams. STAY AT IT.

8.  Confidence, not cockiness.

It is very important to believe in yourself before you can achieve much of anything, anything positive at least. Have pride in your own skin, and stand tall. But, all at the same time, don’t get too full of yourself. When people become cocky, they become unattractive, unyielding and unappreciative. They start to think they are better than others, don’t listen much, and lack gratitude for anything. We are ALL equal, no one is above anyone else – the sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.

7.  Prioritize.

Know what is important. If you are a college student striving to be a musician, make sure to stay on top of your grades. If you are a mother of 3 who has just been promoted to a higher position in your office, don’t lose focus of your family. Oftentimes for me, schoolwork, speaking engagements and other extra-curricular activities tend to overlap one another. Prioritizing is important, in order to stay organized and to have peace of mind.

6. Keep a close circle of friends and family.

Your support system is your rock. I call mine my “backbone.” These are the people that you know will ALWAYS have your back and who will always accept you for who you are, flaws and all. These are the people we love and cherish the most, and who love us the most. These people will stick around not just for the good times, but the bad and the ugly times as well. These people won’t act different because of money or other achievements that may come your way.  I can name the family and friends that I consider my inner circle, and only God knows who or where I would be without them!

5. Discipline is key.

Like I said earlier, NOTHING worthy of achieving comes EASY. So, no—you may not be able to go to the club the night before your nail tech certification exam, yes—you might have to forgo a trip you’ve saved, if you REALLY want to start up that business you’ve always been talking about starting, that is. You have to know when to say yes and when to say no, if your dreams are worth it, that is. I must say, I still need a little work on this one. I am a work in progress!

4. Don’t dream only for the rewards.

“I want to be an engineer…because they make so much money!” This is the WRONG reason to aspire to be anything. I will be the first to say that money is VERY important; however, it isn’t wise to dictate your future and achievements SOLELY on money. What if you find out you hate what engineering entails, but you love helping others and are attracted to the field of social work? Personally, I love speaking, writing and filmmaking. I can honestly tell you if I were doing either of these things just for the money, I would have stopped a long time ago! Yes, I do aspire to go to law school and become a public defender, but trust me, it was first my desire to help others along with my writing and speaking skills that first fomented my interest.

3. Stay humble.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said “thank you” in the past year or so. There are SO many people and other resources that have helped me along my journey. From the friends that believed in me before my book was printed, the professors that have encouraged me and provided me texts on colorism (one of whom I interviewed in my documentary), the blogs and websites who took time to feature me on their pages, the parents and teachers who have purchased my book, to the friends who shower me with encouraging words on Facebook and Twitter – I am truly thankful for these things and more. Don’t ever forget to thank those who have helped you on your way.

2. Expect to hustle.

I’ll say it one more time -- NOTHING worthy of achieving comes EASY. Don’t consider hard work – accept it. Even with my few accomplishments within this past year, I have seen my fair share of late nights and early mornings – and continue to see them. I have also heard my fair share of “no’s” too. But I press on. I’ve spoken in front of crowds who weren’t feelin’ my message, but I kept talking. There have been times where I’ve been exhausted from school work, and dreaded heading off-campus to present my documentary because I was so tired, but I kept going. It’s easy to talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? Hustle hard, and see how far life takes you!

1. “Don’t ever apologize for being a dreamer.”

It was a cool, fall Sunday afternoon when I presented, with all the nervousness in the world, the idea of my documentary to my mother. I preceded with the words “I know I may be a dreamer, but…” Instead of replying with something like “how will you have the time to do that?!” or “where do you think the money is going to come from for something like that?!” she replied with something I never expected. She told me “don’t ever apologize for being a dreamer!!” along with how she loved my idea of creating a documentary. And since, those words have stuck with me. I will never again apologize for being a dreamer, and neither should you, because before you know it, your dreams may indeed turn into reality.